I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
