my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
