my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
