I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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