i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
