I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize