I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
