I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
