she told me i tasted like america
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
