he told me I talked like a deaf person
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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