Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
