Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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