Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
