He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize