So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she smelled like a LAN party
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
