he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
