tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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