Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
