i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
