Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
