I just pynch a tree in the face
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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