Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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