Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
