I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
