We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
