mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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