Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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