I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
