We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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