It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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