In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
