I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
