I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize