: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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