honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
