the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
