You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
