Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
