pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize