Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He? As in you personified your dick?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
