Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
