Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
