I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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