Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize