K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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