I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
