I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
