i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
