I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
