she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
