that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize