I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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