Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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