You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
