Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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