so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
