even my farts smell like vagina
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
