Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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