He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
please come you make the beer taste better
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize