i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize