You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize