Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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