I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
