weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
