Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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