So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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