I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize