Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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