I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
