He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You took a bar mat shot.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
