Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you traded sex for a burrito?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
