Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
