I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
